There was noroom for a man in a convent.When he was out of his room he carried a bible and a rosary, and stuck tothe shadows. In the dining hall he had a place with the nuns on thetable below the window, with his back to the young women. The nuns wereold and quiet and spoke only of prayer or administration issues when theydid speak. Whereas behind him the young women who there for refugerather than prayer were in raucous conversation and occasional laughter.They would recognize him immediately if he did not keep his head down.To hide in his room was not an option. Only the old and the sick wouldnot take their meals in the dining room.The other place where he could go without fear of recognition, was thechapel. There he could sit in the front row with the nuns and keep hishead down. It was peaceful and cool. He did not pray. He did notbelieve in God. God had not saved him from the mob. He had done thathimself. He believed in himself.When it came down to it, his entourage. We kissed, leaving a lipstick kiss on the glass. The girl in the mirror blushed. Then the door opened, the hallway was empty and I fumbled with the key and then I was inside and the door shut and double locked. I leaned back against the door, just as they do in the movies. Whatever was happening in the outside world, it sure as hell wasn’t happening in here! Now! This is important… I have a theory. If you truly love yourself then making love to yourself should be a decorous affair. There should be an invitation, a slow seduction, the gradual revealing of hidden desires. And so it was that the lady, the older one in the little picture, gave me my instructions. To undress. To stand naked and unashamed. To touch myself as a lover would. With care and respect and understanding. Once on the bed? Pillows just so! This girl lay back and watched herself spread her legs and reveal herself completely. Now the person in the mirror sent me to the bathroom. To pee. And to touch as I was peeing.
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